Remembering My Father

July 30, 2017

Last month marked the seventh-year anniversary of my father’s death. It doesn’t feel like it’s been seven years. It still feels like it happened recently. Remembering my father on his death anniversary reminds our family all over again of what we lost, of a person we wish we still had around.

Missing my father after his death is something I do more often than I thought I would. I thought that after some time we would move on and things would get back to normal but I was wrong. You never really get over it. You move on – yes – but you move on with that person still in your heart. You carry on with that loss still on your mind. You just learn to live with it.

There are always moments when I wish he could be there with the family, there are always times when I remember moments we shared together and instances where I wonder how he would react if he were still around.

father daughter
Me and my dad from my childhood...

If I could give a death anniversary message to my father it would be that I miss him. I miss him a lot. I wish I could get his advice about the things that are happening in my life. I wish that I could ask him for the little favors that I used to ask him for even if I knew I could do it myself (just because I knew he loved knowing that I still needed him). I hope that I am doing things that would make him proud. I hope that I am doing things right – that I am doing things the way that he would or even better.

Whenever I watch my nephews and niece as they grow up I often feel a pang of regret that my father isn’t here to see them and watch them grow up. He just loved his grand kids and I know that if he were still here he would be spoiling them like crazy and messing around with them. He’d probably be the first one to start trouble with them because he’s just the cool grandpa like that.

My brother, who is overseas, also has two kids who are growing up. I know my father would have wanted to know about them too. I’m sure he would have wanted to see them if he were still around. I feel sad that he never got to see them or meet them. He had already passed away by the time my brother got married. He would have been so happy to see my brother grow up looking like him and having the same interests that he does. He would have been so proud, I’m sure of it.

I often wonder if our lives today would be different if we still had my father around. I know I would have loved for him to still be around. I would love to hear him laugh, to hear him sing, to hear him complain about how local TV shows and celebrities are today…things like that.

I remember him when I hear the types of songs that he loves to sing. I miss him when we have his favorite meal. I can’t help but think of him as I watch my nephew walking around with his swagger and playful smile. I look at my other friends who still have their father around and I feel jealous of the fact that they get to spend time with their father.

My heart will forever have a missing piece because of the loss of my father. I will always miss him. I will always wish that he was still around. I know that no amount of wishing and hoping will ever bring him back, but I will always think about him. I will always love him.
Happy 7th birthday in heaven Pa.

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