A Death and Some Flashbacks

by - July 09, 2018

A couple of months ago, I had just gotten into the office when we got a call from the place where a couple of our co-workers were attending a seminar: one of our co-workers had lost consciousness and was not breathing, although he had a faint pulse. They were taking him to the hospital. Everything then seemed to happen so fast. We got his wife to the office to inform her of what happened, coordinating with the people headed for the hospital at the same time. We rushed to the hospital because we were informed that he was going to be taken to the ICU.

On the way to the hospital I got a call from one of the seminar organizers who went to the hospital: my officemate had died. I was sitting at the front passenger seat and tried my best to remain calm during the entire phone call. We were stuck in traffic and I didn’t want his wife to panic or go hysterical on us while we were in the car. There was no point in telling her right that moment when there was nothing she could do so I made a judgment call and decided to wait until we got to the hospital. My other officemates told me I made the right decision.

hospital view
Outside the hospital waiting for the funeral service to pick up my co-worker. I could not stay inside. It was a little too much.
At the hospital, I had flashbacks of the time when my father passed away. I was in shock at his sudden death. At some point I just went through the motions, but I wasn’t thinking straight. All I knew was that things had to get done and I did them. I remember my sisters saying that I didn’t cry, and that it had helped them to be stronger during those times. Honestly though, I wasn’t even thinking about that. I honestly don’t know how I managed, everything felt like I was just outside looking in. I don’t even remember most of what I did, I just know that I did them – something that I was reminded of when I went to the hospital with my officemates. When I got there, I knew what to do because I had done them before with my father, even if how I did it the first time is a blur even to this day.

It was a difficult day. It was the first time that someone I worked with had died. It was unsettling, especially since going to the hospital to arrange the release of a dead body was something that reminded me so much of when my father died. 

The experience reminded me of how short life can be. About how we needed to take care of ourselves and make the best of our lives because we never know when it is going to end. And that work is not everything. We can’t make it the focus of our lives if it means gambling with our health and ultimately our lives in the end. It reminded me to tell the people I love how much I care about them because we never know when it will be the last time we see them. 

This is one of the reasons that I haven’t been blogging lately. My co-worker’s death rattled me to the point where I wondered which thing I should focus my time on.  Does blogging make me happy? Does blogging take too much of my time from more valuable things? Does doing this matter?

I still don’t know the answers to my questions. For now, I’ll blog when I feel like it, but I’ll lay low when I don’t. I could have bursts of entries and then go silent. Depends on how I feel. I hope that everyone (all 5 of my regular readers, ha-ha) can bear with me. 

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