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Thursday, February 7, 2019

Nothing is Guaranteed

In a few days I will turn another year older. 

The more I get older the more I feel like I’m living on borrowed time. The more I feel the need to reflect if I have been making the best of my life, if I have been living up to my full potential and doing what truly makes me happy. The more the years go by the more I want to enjoy every moment of my life while I have it. 



I learned very young that in life, nothing is guaranteed. I had a favorite cousin who died in his early 20s. I’ve seen an aunt suffer through and succumb to cancer at a young age, just when she had married and had a baby. My father died suddenly of a heart attack in his 50s. I had surgery and tests for possible cancer. While the results were benign it woke me up to the fact that life could end at any time. Years later the doctor had told me during my checkup that I was at risk of having a heart attack. I was at risk of becoming like my father.  

It doesn’t matter how much planning you do with your life. Things can happen that will change everything in a blink of an eye. It’s not just about life and death. It’s about the unexpected changes, about the cards that you’re dealt that can alter everything with the way you live your life. It’s about how sometimes, no matter how careful you are, no matter how hard you plan your life, some things happen that you can’t do anything about. The only thing you can do is let it happen and take it from there. As Tim Gunn once said, “It is what it is, make it work.” 

My co-worker once asked me after my surgery, cancer scare and heart diagnosis why I didn’t seem to be scared. It’s not that I’m unafraid. I am. I don’t want to die. Not yet anyway. There are so many things that I want to do with my life, so many things that I have yet to experience and enjoy. But, to put it bluntly, when you die, you just do. If it’s my time, it doesn’t matter what I do, it’ll happen. Which is why I would rather not dwell on that. I’d prefer to do my best to enjoy every moment I have and do my best to live it right.  

Six months after my doctor told me about my heart issues, I was informed that my heart has improved. This was thanks to my family looking out for me, my medication and my efforts to become healthier. I think that what happened to me was an example of doing what I can and letting God do the rest.  

For me, every day is a new day and a new chance to make myself a better person. I’m not perfect, but I'd like to think that I’m doing what I can with my life to make sure I do right by myself and other people. I try to say what I want to say and do the things that I want to do because I am not sure if I can do it again tomorrow. I want to follow where my heart leads, then takes things as they come from there. 

In these times where we are always rushing from one thing to another, where we living for the approval of others, where we live, accumulate and waste ourselves like we will be here forever, we have to remember that we are just like the people who have come and gone before us. Nobody lives forever. We are all on borrowed time. Nothing is guaranteed.  

I sometimes ask myself if I am making the best of this borrowed time. If I have done enough with the time I have been given. I try, but I don’t know if I do. 

What about you? 
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