Thursday, August 22, 2019

My Online Dating Experience

As a single person, I’ve often received comments about when I will ever get married. Either that or people would want to set me up with someone (something that I don’t really like). Living in the province where I am stuck in my home-work-home existence, dating just isn’t possible unless I were willing to succumb to the inevitable: joining online dating sites. I've mentioned this on a previous post, but this time I want to share some of my recent experiences with online dating apps. 

There are a couple of people who I know personally who have tried and successfully found someone via online dating apps and I am very happy for them. As someone who abhors the idea of being set up or going on a blind date, this is something that is a bit scary for me. I have tried this in the past, to the point where I was chatting with this English/Turkish guy who is in town for modeling gigs (and looked a bit like Adam Levine, I kid you not) but as soon as the topic got into actually meeting up, I realized that I couldn’t so that didn’t end well. The only other time that I was in an online dating app was when I found out that Michael Vartan was on Tinder. Again, another fail on my part since I didn’t find him (even if I subscribed so that I could view people who were in the LA area where he’s based).  


Image by athree23 from Pixabay

Now that I’m in my 40s the clamor from “well meaning” friends and relatives for me to meet someone to marry (or at the very least, have a child with) is at an all-time high. I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to give the online dating thing another try so I signed up for Bumble and Facebook Dating then logged in again to Tinder and OK Cupid . 

Honestly, my interest with Facebook Dating was only so that I could see what it was about. I decided not to put a photo of me – it was just my name, age and location that was on there. I thought it was a little bit creepy that most of the options being presented to me looked like creepy guys who could pass for goons in Filipino action movies. I would have signed off from the feature completely if not for the fact that I also signed up for the Secret Crush feature, where you could name your Facebook friend that you have a crush on. If he happens to be on FB Dating and lists you as his crush too, that would be a match. There are two guys that I have a crush on who are on my friends list. So far, no matches for me in that area. Either they are not on Facebook Dating (which, from the looks of things they are probably not) or they do not have a crush on me (which I would rather not think about right now). I’m giving myself until the end of the year for this one – unless I get more of creepy likes from people who, for some weird reason, think I am their match even if my photo is a cartoon of the cast of The Game of Thrones. 

There have been no matches for me on Bumble either. But I do like the setup of the app. I like how they don’t put in an unlimited number of options for you in one go. They also have a feature where they can validate if you are a real person and not someone out to do some cat fishing in the app. The profile setup is also very helpful in weeding out which person you would want to swipe right to (even if I haven’t done that yet). 

I had a match on Tinder. I got the notification of a Fil-Am studying medicine matching with me, but I decided not to reply to his message right away. He then disappeared from my end of the app. Oh well. It’s not that bad considering that most of the guys I’ve seen on Tinder seem to only want to hook up (the shirtless and low-waist photos are a giveaway). There’s one guy on there that I think is my type, but I was too chicken to swipe right since it seems he is only here for a while (ergo he might only be looking for a hookup too) so I did the next best thing: I subscribed to his YouTube channel. Knowing me I will find some kind of thing I don’t like about the guy and unsubscribe in a few weeks.  

Lastly, I have been on OK Cupid again because that is where a friend of mine found his current girlfriend/partner. BUT, like Tinder there are so many guys out there who are only into hookups. Some are even married and confidently say that they are there because they are not into monogamy (something you can put in your profile apparently). I’ve received about 50+ likes and messages from the app but since I haven’t subscribed to it, I don’t get to see the messages or who these people are. I’ve only liked a couple of guys in there, one of whom is someone I knew (and I just wanted to say, aha!) and another who is the only guy so far on that onslaught of options who I can say is my type. Sadly, that guy I picked out has been online and hasn’t been a match, so I guess I’m not his type.  

I was talking to a friend of mine who was also single, and I vented out my frustrations about not finding a match on the dating apps. I was worried that I set my standards too high, but this person reminded me that I needed to have those standards to find the kind of person that I would actually want to be with. One thing I realized now that I’ve looked back on my “journey” is that I probably won’t find the right person for me on these apps. If I haven’t found him in the last couple of months that I’ve signed up, I probably won’t find that person in those apps at all.

The whole thing got me to thinking if I was only doing this because this was something people expected of me. I kept having all these excuses and apprehensions whenever there was a guy I was thinking of swiping right to. I ended up not swiping right at all. Then all these thoughts of maybe not being a relationship person or being a commitment-phobe comes flooding in.

As I've said in my earlier post on online dating, maybe I’m just not the type to be involved with someone. I don’t know for sure. I’m fine on my own. Yes, it would be nice to have someone but I really don’t know if I am capable of being in a relationship after being single and independent for so long. 

I remember telling a friend that if I were to be with someone, I wanted it to be something that happened naturally. If it’s going to happen then it’s going to happen. Maybe I should just leave it at that and let go of these apps.

As the Florida Georgia Line song goes, “If it’s meant to be, it will be, baby just let it be.”

Signing off the apps now. 
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3 comments

  1. No luck in there too, mare.
    Well, I thought I already had it with the British guy but I guess nothing beats meeting a guy the old-fashioned way.
    Tapos si Chris Evans lang or no one for me at the very moment. Doomed na ako.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We're both doomed mare.

    But I love your hyphenate on IG ha, De Leon-Evans!

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha. Kahit man lang sa ilusyon natin, mare.

      Parang Clare *Henney* lang. :)

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