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Sunday, March 29, 2020

The Sunday Update 11: Week 2 of ECQ

Week 2 of the Enhanced Community Quarantine has come and gone. There are two weeks to go. Everything still feels so uncertain since the number of infected and deaths keep rising by the day. There is no definite word on whether or not this lockdown will end at the intended date. I can't blame the government on that since it is hard to decide when things keep changing every day...unfortunately for the worse. I hope everyone is staying at home and keeping themselves and their loved ones safe.



My mother commented on something that gave me a little bit of an eerie feeling. She told me to listen, because it was quiet. Too quiet. I stopped to listen and yes, it was. It's like everyone is trying to wait and listen for when this is all going to end. 



As I've mentioned in my last post, I have been working from home. I actually like that I have been keeping myself busy, since sitting still and being given the opportunity to think puts me in such a state that I don't want to be in. This past week it had gotten to the point of me crying in my room out of sympathy for all those in the medical profession who are fighting the good fight, for the people infected, the people who have passed away and their families who cannot even be with them. After that I found myself crying even more out of worry for my family and feeling helpless that I cannot be sure that we will stay safe throughout this whole thing. 

One thing is for sure: things will never be the same after this. Not for me anyway. I have found myself countless times wondering about the things that have been taking much of my time and wondering: does it matter? Now that we are all in this situation, do the things that felt important then actually matter when all is said and done?

I had a little panic attack this morning. My chest felt tight, my throat felt constricted and I was finding it hard to breathe. Naturally, my brain went on "what if I have COVID 19" mode before I remembered that I haven't been outside in 2 weeks and it was highly unlikely that I have caught it anywhere during that time. 



This stress that I have been feeling is something that I haven't acknowledged much since the lockdown started but my body is starting to tell me that I can't hide from it any longer. I've been having rashes/hives that look like welts appearing on my body at various times of the day. With everything I've been feeling it would be nice to get some help and see my doctor but that this point I feel safer being at home than going out to a hospital. 



Spending time with my family has been one of the benefits of this lockdown. The fact that I am surrounded by them is the one thing that is keeping me sane, which is why I feel for everyone who is sick who can't be around family. I feel for the frontliners who -- even after they get home -- cannot be close to their loved ones because of the fear that they will infect them. 




Mornings have been my sweet spot this past week. I've taken to getting some sunlight on me while walking around our front yard or on our upstairs terrace (no matter how small it is) while I drink my morning tea. For two days straight I've seen two unusual sightings: one was an eagle (yes, I'm sure) and another was a bird I've never seen before that just perched on our gate for a few minutes. I don't know if this is a normal thing that I just never noticed before, but it was a nice thing to see.

I have heard people say that things are going to get worse before they get better. I hope that we can skip the worst and move on to the better...I hope that one day soon we can all step out of our homes confident that we are not putting our lives at risk. That we can be confident that being sick will not mean that we will be on our deathbeds.



There's nothing more that I could ask for right now than for things to get better. God, let things get better. 
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