Lifestyle Blog from the Philippines

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Sunday Update 19: Too Much Anxiety

 It is already the second quarter of the year. The world is still reeling from the COVID 19 pandemic that started last year. While a lot of countries have already vaccinated most of their population and have been opening from previously implemented lockdowns, there are those who are experiencing either their second or third waves of the pandemic. For us here in the Philippines, well, I think we have not yet gotten over our first wave just yet. And it is making me feel anxious and antsy about it. 

Today marks the first day in almost a year since I went back to the hospital. I had to get some lab work done for my check-up with my doctor. I had been putting it off because of the increasing number of COVID-positive cases in our area. I had registered yesterday to be part of those priority cases that will be vaccinated earlier, and I am required to present a medical certificate. I am left with no other choice but to visit my doctor if I want that vaccine.

Image by kropekk_pl from Pixabay

My anxiety was at an all-time high at the hospital this morning. I was so scared of bumping into people or into anything in general while I was there. It did not help that I was told there would be a delay and I would have to wait since they were disinfecting the whole place. Plus, the lab person was busy taking samples for COVID tests (another anxiety trigger when I was told this). At one point they even turned down an emergency case and told them to go to the next hospital because they would not be able to treat the patient (who I could see inside the vehicle, it seems he fainted and people were simply holding him up to sit) because of the disinfection process and lack of proper staff to help. 

I did not want to stay there long and being told to do so made me nervous. I felt that my heart was beating so fast from fear of getting infected in the hospital. I know they do not accept COVID cases in that hospital but that did not make my fears and concerns any less real. I was in a state of panic when the lab person came out to talk to me. She was refusing to take the blood sample from me and asked me to come back the following day, explaining something about how one of the tests had to be sent to Manila and since it was a Sunday, that would mean a delay in the test processing. 

It was hard enough for me to be there this morning already, so I pleaded nonstop until she finally relented and took my blood for testing. She said my test results would be delayed, but I really did not care. I just wanted the test over with so I could leave. My check-up and medical certificate would have to wait a bit, but at least I am halfway there. 

I want that vaccine to give me some peace of mind, especially now that my boss has (again) taken away some of my work from home days because, according to him, some of my co-workers were jealous of my schedule. It did not matter that I was at risk because of several health reasons or that I was more productive at home and worked while I was at home. He wanted to be “fair” to the rest of the employees, which has resulted in decreased productivity on my end: all I can think of at the office is how long I can safely stay in one spot in the office before I move around or open windows or something like that. I am in a constant state of fear of getting the virus in the workplace that I cannot think straight. I keep noticing when people are not wearing masks at work, when someone coughs or sneezes or when people eat together. It makes me so nervous during those 8 hours that I should be working at the office. I get so worked up about it that I end up going home exhausted from all the worrying I do. I cannot help it. 

I hope that I can get my check-up done this week so that I can present my medical certificate for vaccination. I hope that I can get the vaccine soon. It would really help me feel a little bit better about all this. With the number of people in the news getting infected and not being able to get treatment because all the hospitals are at full capacity, the only time that I feel safe is when I am inside our home, specifically inside my room. 

Keeping my fingers crossed that things work out and I can get that vaccine soon.


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