Lifestyle Blog from the Philippines

Friday, June 11, 2021

Current Headspace

One of the reasons I have not been blogging as often lately is because I am still experiencing a lot of anxiety due to the pandemic and I wanted to avoid being too much of a downer with my posts. I just haven't been doing that well because there has been a lot on my mind. I have been experiencing bouts of vertigo due to the stress and anxiety of being back at the office after my boss ordered that all employees who had alternative work schedules report back at the office again, regardless of the existing health conditions of some of the employees (like me). I have a lot of anxiety about going out of the house for short periods of time, so being at work surrounded by a lot of people has been messing with me a lot mentally. My family and I have been extra careful during this pandemic and I worry that being made to report to the office daily again would make any precautions we take at home pointless because of my exposure to more people outside.

Crowd gathering in public...imagine my anxiety at the sight of this!

It's tough that we're expected to perform well given our current work conditions. Everyone is concerned about being in an office with little ventilation, where we cannot properly social distance and where no regular cleaning and disinfection is conducted. It does not give us any sense of security especially since we have been informed that the management is hesitant to give us hazard pay during the time we were here for ECQ and MECQ. I am vaccinated (got my second dose today) but it still does not give me any comfort. While I could possibly be immune or could avoid severe COVID with the help of the vaccine, that doesn't mean I can't catch it at work and pass it on to the people at home. Given that I am the only fully vaccinated person at work at the moment, that is a possibility. It is alarming that just beside our office, a lot of kids are already out and about and playing basketball -- without masks! People are not taking this seriously enough!

People have been telling me and my officemates that the management decisions made for us are not safe but it's not like there is anything we can do at this point. None of us can afford to lose our jobs if we complain. I would love to do something else for a living but we all know how hard the employment situation is during this pandemic.

Being at the office has me constantly thinking if I have disinfected enough, if I have turned on my air purifier (which I bought myself since we don't have any at work), or if I anyone is getting too close to me. The actual work has become the last thing on my mind since my brain is in survival mode. At least when I worked from home I could focus because I was sure of our health precautions as I worked alone in my room.

What kind of health precautions do we take at home? Here are some of them:

  • Anyone who goes out of the house needs to change clothes and take a shower when they get back.
  • Everyone wears masks when going out or encountering other people outside of our household.
  • Deliveries are accepted at the front of the house (at the gate as much as possible) and disinfected before entry into the house. The one who accepted the delivery must disinfect with alcohol after as well. 
  • We do not let other people in the house. If we do, we make sure that it is only if it is absolutely necessary and we disinfect the places this person has been with UV light and alcohol. 
  • My sister, who works in a mall, only went home after taking a COVID test to make sure she is not bringing the virus into the home. 

On a more positive note, I am trying to stay as safe and as healthy as I can be given the circumstances. While I can't change the situation I can at least make sure I am doing what I can to protect myself and my family. Apart from the office, I do not go anywhere else. Whenever I get home, I make sure to shower, change and disinfect everything I brought back from work with alcohol and UV light. I have been exercising daily and making sure that I get enough sleep so that I can keep myself healthy and strong during this pandemic. I've also been trying to condition myself mentally to not stress myself too much over things I need and want to do but can't -- which is one of the reasons for the lack of updates on this blog.

I wish I did not feel so negative and stressed but I can't help it. I would love to feel safe again but given the current vaccination rate in the country, I am not sure when that will be. In the meantime, I will take things one day at a time. It might mean fewer updates on this blog, it might mean more. It all depends on where my head is at. We'll see.

Stay safe everyone. 


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