Friday, February 12, 2021

Looking for a Heart of Gratitude

In these trying times, it is extremely difficult not to encounter bad news. The act of opening up Facebook and Twitter or any other form of social media means encountering the latest in the slew of negative news that could be anything from the environment, politics, or the pandemic and its related issues. With so much bad news it is sometimes a struggle to stay positive, especially when people we know or their family, friends, or loved ones have suffered and died in the past year alone. 

Image by Foundry Co from Pixabay

These days it feels so hard to find the light in the dark. There is so much going on during this pandemic that it has given me so much anxiety and paranoia. These times have made me have low points that I have not felt in a long time. 

It is also no joke to be semi-quarantining with family. While I do go out for work once a week and my sister does go out when necessary, most of the time we are all just at home together, all eight of us in one home. I completely understand why a lot of relationships are failing during this pandemic because constantly being around the same people, even those that you love can take its toll. With me and my family, I think we get on each other’s nerves sometimes with the pressure of this pandemic and it is not easy being in the same place 24/7 means we cannot give each other the space we need. We do not fight or anything, but we are all aware that we sometimes get annoyed with each other. Thankfully, being a family that loves each other, we do our best to be patient with each other. When one is annoyed, the other steps back. So far no one has clashed yet in our house, but even stepping back can be stressful in itself so it is still a challenge. It made me realize that cabin fever is real, and it is not good. 

Even before the pandemic, I have read that one way to keep ourselves positive is to be more grateful for what we do have in our lives. Many people recommend listing at least three things that we are grateful for every day because it helps a person to focus on the good things in life. It will ultimately help to give a person a more positive outlook, which I think is something that we all need during this pandemic. I have to admit that it can sometimes feel like a challenge to list down those three things daily with everything going on around us.

I find myself worrying too much these days. When I list what I am grateful for every day, it is always these things: I have a job. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I have my family. I am alive. I know that that is supposed to make me feel better but for some reason it makes me worry even more. I find myself thinking I have a job, but for how long? I have a roof over my head and food to eat, but how long can I afford to? I have my family, but I worry about all of them and their health during this pandemic. I am alive…but again, for how long? I also have this guilt about having the things I am grateful for when I know people who are struggling and are worse off than I am. My mind just will not seem to let me win. 

These days, if there is anything that I pray for (apart from the end of this pandemic), it is to have a heart of gratitude. I need more positivity in my life, and I need to see the world in a different light if I can. I wish I can keep my mind and my heart focused on gratitude; I really need it right now.


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