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Lifestyle Blog from the Philippines

Saturday, September 11, 2021

My “Smoky” Past

For some reason, people tend to look at me as the good girl type. The one that follows the rules and doesn’t sway from the norm. It's not that I'm the exact opposite of that, it's just that I am not as good as people make me out to be. I have my flaws, just like everyone else. I guess that misconception is why people tend to get surprised when I admit that I used to be a smoker. People can’t seem to picture me as one. 


Image by Thomas G. from Pixabay


Looking back, I can’t remember when I started smoking but it was definitely when I was in college. I just remember my dad almost hitting me when he found out, which was ironic (?!) since he was a smoker himself. I think it was more about being the eldest child and the expectation that I should be a good example to my younger siblings than the actual smoking itself. 

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Friday, September 10, 2021

Scarred

I’ve been planning to write this entry for some time now but I wasn’t sure how to say what I want without being cheesy or overly serious. I should probably put in a trigger warning for those who have had or are suffering from depression and the like. OK, you’ve been warned. Carry on.



Recently I have gotten to thinking about life scars. The things that have happened in my life on a physical, mental, and emotional level. Events and experiences that have made their mark in my life and how I have been dealing with them. I’ve realized that through the years, I have changed my outlook on life and how I look back on these scars/trying times in my life compared to before.

According to Charles R. Swindoll, life is “10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”  I have to agree. The things that happen to us, especially those that we classify as hard times, often happen when we least expect them and we have no choice but to face and deal with them. It is our choice on how to handle it and how to live with the things that have happened to us. 

What are these scars that I am talking about? Here are some of them:

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Sunday, September 5, 2021

The Sunday Update 25: These Dreams

I’ve been having unusual dreams lately about one particular person. It’s unusual in the sense that the dreams I have been having all feel connected to one another but at the same time they’re not. I guess it’s mostly being that it involves the same person and me feeling a connection with that particular person than the events of the dreams being in any particular order with each other.


It feels weird to be writing it all down and sharing it online but I feel like with how dreams go I might forget about them eventually if I don’t save them somewhere. I know it would seem cheesy and corny but the whole situation reminds me of the movie In My Dreams, which I reviewed on this blog last year. 

I can’t say that the movie influenced my dreams in any way since the last time I actually saw the movie was years ago, but the concept of it was similar to my experience because like the character in the movie, I have been dreaming of someone who in my dreams appears to be my true love.

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Saturday, September 4, 2021

September 2021 Playlist: Musicals

September is my late father’s birthday month. I thought it would be nice to have this month feature more than my usual music playlists since my father was the one who made me fall in love with music.



I grew up with my father playing music all the time and growing up, he even taught us to sing. To this day, my sisters and I joke around saying “Hangin! (Air)” when we’re singing because our father always says that to remind us to use air from our diaphragm instead of straining our throats when we sing. 

The cool thing about my father was that he did not just like one type of music, so even as children we were exposed to many different genres, which influenced us to be the same way. I can’t tell you how many times people have been surprised to hear me playing classical music one moment and my sister playing hip hop the next…then my niece starts playing something from a musical. We like a lot of different types of music and I think that makes our individual Spotify liked songs lists a weird combination of artists.

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Friday, September 3, 2021

My Writing Projects : Should I Keep Going?

A couple of days ago, BTS member Jungkook celebrated his birthday by going on social media to ask his fans for lines that could be turned into song lyrics, and he later turned it into a song during his live stream. 

It was an interesting idea, and it reminded me of the days when I used to write song lyrics and put melodies to them. No music though since I can't write those down even if my life depended on it. There was a phase in my life where I had a bunch of songs and I even recorded them and gave it as a demo to a certain celebrity (who shall remain unnamed) who had released his own album at the time. Nothing ever happened after that. The only feedback I got was that that certain celebrity wanted to know if it was me singing (yes), that was it. The whole situation was disappointing and I think I have stopped writing songs since then.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay


At the moment the writing I do is mostly for work. Contracts, corporate information, business letters, proposals...those types of things. On the side, I try to keep my creative side alive by writing this blog and working on the book outlines I have (current book count: 8, a mix of several genres such as romance, action, suspense/thriller & historical drama). It's all still a struggle since I haven't finished a single book, but I do have scenes for them that I just have to stitch together. 

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Thursday, August 26, 2021

Meditation: One Month After

Today marks a month since I started practicing meditation. I never thought that I would do something like this. If you asked me about it a few years ago, I would probably laugh at the idea but now that I have been practicing this for a month, I can’t imagine going a day without it. 



Yesterday I was telling someone at work about it and I was asked what the difference was between this and yoga. I explained that while I also practice yoga and meditation can be a part of it, I mostly practice yoga for the physical exercise of it, and I do meditation to help me clear my mind and start the day right. 

Mostly I do meditation by listening to music and/or to audio meditation guides that I find online. There are people who share recordings that help guide you during your meditation. It can take a while to find the right one for you and it’s more of a hit and miss kind of thing until you find what’s best. What I focused on are meditations that involve visualization and affirmations. Given how stressed I often felt pre-pandemic (and even more now that we’re in one), meditating this way has given me a more positive outlook during my day to day life. It helps me to calm down and relax and to focus on what I want my day to be. 

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Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Me and My RBF

 “You’re just like your father.”

That was my mother’s comment when I mentioned how surprised I was when I was told that the reason why our neighbors hardly said hello to me on the street was that they were a bit scared of me. This was when we had just moved and I hardly knew anyone in the neighborhood. I was hardly home because of work and if I was home, usually it meant just staying indoors without seeing anyone else. That meant that people didn’t know me that well, so what people thought of me was based on what little interactions I had with other people.

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Tuesday, August 17, 2021

KTH1

As many may be aware by now, I have been converted and I am now a big fan of Korean group BTS. Yes, I am now part of the BTS Army. While I am what my niece calls a fan of OT7 (all 7 of the guys), I also have my bias (favorite -- ah the things that I have learned in this fandom). Apparently, there is such a thing as a bias,  and a bias-wrecker, which means the other member of the group that makes you want to change your mind on who your actual bias is. People who follow me on social media would probably be able to figure out that Suga is my bias...but the thing is, I love Taehyung/V too. I can’t say that he’s the bias-wrecker though...I love both guys equally. If there would be a bias-wrecker, it would be Jimin, but only because as I have said before, he feels like he could be my son in my past life. A male version of me, sort of. 

Anyway, I will blog about Suga in a later post, but this time I want to share why I am a fan of V, also known by his real name Kim Taehyung. When I first discovered BTS, I remember referring to him as the other Jungkook because JK was the only guy whose name I knew (he was my niece Sam’s crush). As I started listening to them more, Sam introduced me to a playlist of songs that he sang a lot on and songs that he actually wrote himself. I have to admit, I fell in love with his singing voice immediately. 

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Monday, August 16, 2021

My Tarot Reading Experience

My niece bought a deck of tarot cards online. She said that she bought it because she was curious and wanted to try it. I have had my fortune told before but the fortune-teller used an ordinary deck of cards. I have never taken these things seriously because that last person told me that I would marry someone foreign and that I would have to choose to be with that man from another country and be away from my family and my comfort zone or stay put. That hasn’t happened (yet).

Anyway, my niece has been experimenting with it, searching online about how to use and interpret the cards. I decided to give it a try so I asked her to give me a reading. Apparently, you can have your cards read with a yes or no question (by choosing one card) or by having it read on a spread of several cards (my niece is only familiar with using 5 cards right now).

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Sunday, August 15, 2021

The Sunday Update 24: Delta

The past week has been crazy...I don't know how best to describe it really. So much has happened and yet I feel like the week passed me by with me not even realizing it. I felt like a viewer of my life last week, like I was in it but not quite -- you know what I mean? Like I said, it was crazy.

First off: Delta. As many people in the country are aware, we are under another lockdown. I worked from home for three days last week because we had a skeletal schedule at the office to prevent the spread of the virus. Everyone is on edge because three employees have been quarantined the week before. After all, they were close contacts of positive patients and another actually tested positive. It was so scary to think of how dangerous these times are when I was talking to our positive officemate on the phone. She thought she would never go home alive. Thankfully, she was discharged from the hospital today to recover at home.

Getting work done is a challenge because a couple of people are on sick leave and I have to pick up the slack of two people AND do my own job.  I'm just grateful that I can work from home on some days, to lessen the stress and paranoia. There have been days when I felt like I was on autopilot while working because I felt like having (and acknowledging) actual feelings about all this is making my anxiety worse. It doesn't help that there is now news that the Lambda variant, which is said to be vaccine-resistant, is already in the country. Any sort of safety I felt about being vaccinated disappeared when I read that news update online. I wish I could get a booster shot but given that they haven't even finished vaccination on the entire population, I doubt we will get around to booster shots anytime soon. 

Then, of course, there was the earthquake that happened in the middle of the night. It feels like we've had more than a handful of strong quakes this year. That is way too many than normal. While I am grateful that it has not even come close to some of the stronger ones from the past, it still makes me worry whenever I feel a little rumble from the ground. Even the rumble from large vehicles passing by our street makes my heart jump a little in fear that it could be another quake. 

Now that I've gotten the negatives out of the way, let me share some of the positives from the past week. My mother got her second dose of the vaccine (Astra Zeneca). That is one less person to worry about in the family. While Lambda is still of concern, I'm glad she has some protection at the very least. Now I only have the young ones to worry about. My nephews and nieces are still not on the schedule to be vaccinated, so I am still concerned about their safety and health.

Meditation and exercise have been positive things for me these past few weeks. As I mentioned in a previous post, I had been feeling down and depressed lately, and I decided to try meditation as well as regular exercise to help me to feel better. While exercise is something I was already doing before, taking things up a notch helped me to release any stress I was feeling. It is such a relief to find a means to get that tension out of me daily. It was an added bonus that I am feeling healthier (and lighter) too.  

Meditation, on the other hand, has helped me to find a more positive outlook on life. It has helped me to learn to love myself more and to see the importance of slowing down and taking the time to give myself positive affirmations to help get me through the day. 

I also mentioned that I had recently become a fan of BTS. I liked them before but I can only say that I became a true fan recently. Their shows and their music has helped me to laugh and feel better these days -- I even use their music to work out! These guys have filled my life with positivity these days and I feel better because of it. They have even helped me out of my creative rut. The romance novel I have been drafting, writing, and procrastinating about suddenly had a new scene/chapter all because of the BTS song Let Go. I'll share that chapter on this blog soon (after I get my friends to check it out).  Another scene was inspired by yet another one of their songs, but I will share more about that in another post. 

Here is the song that inspired me to write again:



How has your past week been? I hope that it was better than mine. I hope that despite the gloomy outlook globally due to this pandemic we can have a better one this week! Until next time, take care, everyone! Wear a mask, social distance, and stay safe!



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Saturday, August 14, 2021

Passions I Miss

As they say, so much to do, so little time. 

A few days ago I was cleaning up my room and I realized that there were a lot of things that I have not touched in a while. It’s not so much about having too much clutter, but more about not having the time to do those things that I have been passionate about in the past. 

I can’t completely blame the pandemic (OK, maybe a little) for this lack of motivation to do things I love. I feel like lately, I have been too distracted with work and other adult-type responsibilities to take on the things that I used to be crazy about. As much as I want to force things, I feel that my passion for them would be ruined if I made it an obligation to give it a try again. Nevertheless, I would love to have the opportunity to enjoy doing these things soon.

Here are the things that I would love to get back into:
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Friday, August 13, 2021

Kitchen Goals

This pandemic has me going stir-crazy at home. There are a lot of things I want to do, but I also find myself procrastinating over a lot of it, eventually opting to just lie in bed watching TV or reading a good book. One thing that I always plan on doing but never get around to is cooking. Pre-pandemic I used to randomly pick recipes online and try them myself but it has been a while since I last did that. 

One of my recent (stress-induced) pandemic purchases was an oven. Our old one broke during the start of the pandemic and it has been a challenge getting someone to fix it. After all the hassle I decided that it was easier (read: less stressful) for me to buy a new one -- which turned out to be less expensive than the original one, by the way.


Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Right now I have a list of recipes that I want to make using the oven, but I haven’t tried anything yet because of these ECQ/MECQs (aka lockdowns). The Delta variant of the COVID 19 virus is wreaking havoc all over the place and it has been scary to go out to shop for ingredients for anything. As much as possible we purchase from nearby stores to avoid crowds (which I had been afraid of pre-pandemic anyway) or get food delivered these days. Going out for the hard to find ingredients means risking the health of people around me (since I am fully vaccinated, but members of my family are not since they are not part of the schedule yet). 

For now, I can only plan to make these recipes. I really hope that the pandemic will end soon. There’s so much I want to do when we are finally free to do what we normally do again.

Here are some of the food that I am planning to make once it is possible for me to do so:

Chicken Enchilada - I miss eating this in Mexican restaurants. I want to try to make it at home so that when I crave it I can just make it myself.

Buttery Baked Chicken - When I was younger a neighbor used to make this amazing chicken baked in butter. I never got the recipe for it but I found one online and I want to try to see if I can recreate that recipe from my childhood.

Baked Fish with Mushrooms - I am obsessed with baking fish. And I love mushrooms. This is a recipe that is a must-make for me.

Saengseon Jim - I found this recipe when I was looking for one for baked fish. I have no idea how this would taste but since I have liked almost all the Korean food that I have tried so far, this might be a good one to try.

Easy Oven Baked Ribs - There was a recipe from Chrissy Teigen that I tried involving ribs that  were supposed to be grilled but I baked them instead and they turned out really good. Trying a recipe that is specifically for baking seems to be a good one to try.

Chocolate Blackout Cake - I have been craving for really good chocolate cake. Maybe I can make one?

Snickerdoodles - This is something I have always heard of but never tried. I love the taste of cinnamon so when I read that it was an ingredient, I knew I had to try it.

Oatmeal Cookies - I think the last time that I made oatmeal cookies was in high school. That was so long ago! I need to remember how to make this again because oatmeal cookies are a personal favorite!

Rosemary Focaccia Bread - I tried this a few years back and even if it did turn out good, I felt that I could still make it better. I want to try this one again!

Korean Cream Cheese Garlic Bread - I have been seeing this online but I have not tried it. It looks so good and I want to try it!

I can’t wait until this pandemic is over…I might keep salivating over the thought of all this food until I can make them!




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Thursday, August 12, 2021

August 2021 Playlist: When the Old Soul Strikes

Growing up, I was exposed to different types of music. Because of that, I tend to have favorites in almost every genre (well, maybe except death metal). But one thing that I tend to have a preference for that most of the people in my family do not really care for are old songs. It could be old songs remade into new ones or literally the originals themselves. Or they could be new songs that have a similarly older, classic type of feel. They are not really in any specific genre, but they do evoke a different era from our current times. 


Image by Pexels from Pixabay

I have been called an old soul because of this interest. And maybe, if I did have a past life, this is the reason why I love songs like this. Maybe in a past life, I loved these songs. It really is a bit difficult to explain, but let me share these songs here and say something about what I like about them. Songs like this remind me of BTS' V, who seems to share an interest in old songs as well. It's nice to know I have something in common with one of my favorite artists.

I've also shared a playlist of these songs below. Enjoy!



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Wednesday, August 11, 2021

#Army

A few years ago I blogged about the Korean group BTS and how I was introduced to them by my niece. These days, however, I have shifted from being an admirer from afar to a fan. Now I would like to think of myself as part of the BTS Army. I have gone a long way from not knowing who was who to become a fan of each member of the group. When my niece said that her bias is all of them because it changes every time, I have to agree because I have learned to love all of them too. 




However as I mentioned in another post, I may not always admit to it but I do have my favorites: Taehyung/V for his vocals, Jimin for his charm and talent (and for making me feel he was my son in a past lifeand for making me feel he was my son in a past life), and Suga because of his personality and talent as a rapper. He is someone I find very interesting. Seeing him work as a producer and listening to his work is so appealing. . I admire his work and I find him so attractive (or dare I say it, so hot) when I see him in producer mode.

I feel like a parent who says she loves all her kids equally but deep inside she has her favorites. I can’t help it. But I promise, I love everyone else too. It’s just that those three have a special place in my heart.

Because of this "favoritism", I realized that I have been listening to Suga nonstop on Spotify. I have only started to listen to his mixtapes/albums recently but Spotify has already recorded his song Daechwita as my most played song. OF. ALL. TIME. But V has not come out with his mixtape yet, so we'll see who gets more streams from me when that happens. I swear the voice on that one just has a calming effect on me. His song Sweet Night from the OST of Itaewon Class is a big favorite!


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Tuesday, August 10, 2021

App Review: The Pattern

One of the things that I have always been curious about studying an individual's personality and have insights into what makes a certain person tick. I remember when I was younger that I was curious about people who credit certain traits to people because of their zodiac signs (be it the Western or the Chinese ones). I still find it interesting that people think that can analyze one's personality by your date and time of birth. 

I recently discovered an app that takes that personality insight to the next level by giving you an in-depth analysis using not just your date and time of birth, but your place of birth as well. The app is called The Pattern and is available on Google Play and the App Store. Channing Tatum talked about the app online a few years ago and he was featured on Access News because of it:


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Monday, August 9, 2021

Sworkit Journey Update

I have been overweight for a long time now. I have always gone up and down the scale from the time I got out of college, and I tend to eat my feelings when I am stressed out. But for the past few years, it seemed that I have not gotten below the numbers that I had been on. Despite that, I did not take it seriously. 

There was a time when I used to work out regularly, and I loved it. But after gaining weight post- thyroid surgery and struggling with it, I just stopped caring. I did not take any action to correct it. Not even when my doctor said I was at risk of getting a heart attack (all I did was take maintenance meds). It was only during the beginning of this pandemic that I started to get scared and decided to actively take care of my health through regular exercise. At first, it was just to stay healthy enough until I got vaccinated but now that I am, it is also to stay healthy but for it to be the long-term goal for the rest of my life.


Image by AndiP from Pixabay


In a previous post, I shared that I have been using Sworkit to work out regularly. Depending on the type of program I am on, I can work three or five times a week, at 20-30 minutes per workout. The type of workouts varies as well from HIIT to yoga and pilates to barre. I love the variety and I think that it helps me to not get bored with it as time goes on. 
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Sunday, August 8, 2021

Book Review: Once Upon a Royal Summer

A while back I made a review of Teri Wilson's Accidental Beauty Queen, a romance novel that to this day remains to be one of my favorites (that I have re-read several times). I have since started buying and reading her books on Amazon. While many of those books have been entertaining, I have not found anything that would top or equal my love for the Accidental Beauty Queen until I read Once Upon a Royal Summer.
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Saturday, August 7, 2021

Travel Plans

The pandemic may make travel difficult for a while with the varied vaccine requirements in different countries, higher cost for transportation, and the required quarantine upon arrival, but it hasn't stopped me from dreaming of being able to travel one day. If I had the resources, I would travel A LOT once the pandemic is over. For now, I can plan the places I want to visit and find a way to see them later when things get better.


Image by Jan Vašek from Pixabay

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Friday, August 6, 2021

Moments I Miss

This pandemic has made our lives pre-2020 a thing of the past. Even if there are moments when restrictions have been lowered (only to go back up again weeks later), it just hasn't been the same. Life hasn't been the same. And it sucks, to say the least.

As I have often mentioned in this blog, I have been careful about going out during this pandemic. Until everyone in the family is fully vaccinated, I don't see myself letting my guard down anytime soon. That being said, I do miss life pre-COVID. There is so much about life back then that I miss and often took for granted. 

I can't help but think of these missed moments so much lately since we are almost nearing the two-year mark of this pandemic. Here are some of those moments that I would love to have again:

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Thursday, August 5, 2021

Drama Review: The Day of Becoming You

It has been a while since I last watched an Asian drama. I have been watching mostly Korean dramas so during one weekend without much to do, I decided to randomly pick a series from iQIYi. I decided on the Chinese drama called The Day of Becoming You.

 

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Wednesday, August 4, 2021

Music Recommendation: Scott Bradlee's Post Modern Jukebox

Music has always been a big part of my life. My father exposed the family to the love of music since we were children and in a way, I think this is what helped me to appreciate many different types of music. If you were to look at my liked songs on Spotify you would see that I have a mix of various genres: classical, rock, pop, country, folk, alternative, grunge, Broadway, R&B, and hip-hop, among others. The only genre you would never find from me would probably be something extreme like death metal. 

Among the music I enjoy are the old songs...I guess in a way I am a bit of an old soul because I appreciate that. I'll share more about that love in a future post.

One artist that I love and discovered on Spotify because of my love for the old classics is Scott Bradlee's Post Modern Jukebox. It is a band that gives modern songs a vintage feel intending to bring classic sounds to the mainstream. Discovering that a few of my favorite finalists from American Idol have done songs with the group made me want to listen to more of their music. Also, if you're a BTS fan, you would recognize this group as the one that V was copying in a video (he was watching a video of their version of Closer).
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Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Cravings: Food I Miss

Just when we thought that the production of vaccines would mean that the pandemic would soon be over, here comes the stronger Delta variant of COVID 19 that is spreading the virus faster than people can get the vaccine. I was hoping that the entire family can be vaccinated by this year so that it would be safe for all of us to go out, but given the rate of people getting vaccinated at any given time, it would take longer for them to get scheduled for their shots. 

While a lot of people have commented to me that I can go out safely because I am fully vaccinated, I have to correct them that it doesn't mean that I am immune. The vaccines can protect you from being seriously infected, but it doesn't mean you can't be infected. You can be infected and you can still transmit the virus. Hence, I have decided to stay home and only leave for work. That's it. 

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Monday, August 2, 2021

Once a Boy Band Fan, Always a Boy Band Fan

My old classmate and I were talking recently about how we are now fans of BTS. I remarked that, although these boys from Korea are younger than us and we are definitely not their target market, we still love them. I guess that means that once you're a boy band fan, you're always a boy band fan. She agreed. 

I couldn't help but look back on all the boy bands that I've loved throughout the years. I became a fan very early. If I remember correctly I must have been about seven or eight years old when I first discovered this pop culture phenomenon. Now, decades later, I am (surprisingly) still a fan of boy bands (well, one particular boy band anyway). 

Let me share a list of the boy bands I've loved through the years. Let me know if any of them were your favorites too!
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Sunday, August 1, 2021

Are You Man Enough?

It all started with a TED Talk on "Why I'm done trying to be man enough." Actor, director (and now podcaster and author) Justin Baldoni talked in 2017 about how there are certain expectations of what a man should be, what a man is supposed to be, and that he is tired of that. He says that the definition of masculinity today is broken. While there are good things, there are areas that need to be changed.

I loved how he talked about how the more feminine qualities of men are often discouraged. How men are taught that to be men, they cannot be soft or vulnerable. They cannot admit to their feelings, they cannot feel hurt, they cannot cry, they cannot show weakness. Showing these qualities were automatically being equated with being gay. I loved when he said, "As if being gay makes you less of a man."
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Wednesday, July 28, 2021

The Financial Disadvantages of Being Single

This pandemic has had many people thinking about preparing for the possibility that you would get infected, be hospitalized, or worse, pass away. I know of people who have prepared journals for the necessary info in case anything happens to them and those who have double-checked on their insurance or have suddenly signed up because of the times.

One thing that I realized when I looked into these things myself is that I am at a financial disadvantage as a single person. I may make a significant contribution for my retirement/pension fund and while it may be a sizeable fund, only my mother can benefit from it if I pass away. If my mother passes before I do, no one gets the money I had invested in myself when I am gone. 


Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

As a single person, I already know that I am taxed higher than those who are married and have children, it doesn't matter if I am spending and helping to support my family. It's like I am being punished for not being married or having children and for helping my family out. Married people can have beneficiaries other than their parents and they can use their children as deductibles for tax and I, as a single person, have no option to choose another beneficiary other than the one parent that I have left. I don't think that's fair. I am taxed like I have nothing else to spend money on because I am single and therefore have no life and responsibilities.

I think widows/widowers with no kids have a similar dilemma in terms of pension. You also cannot choose another beneficiary for your pension when you go if you have no husband or child (or parent). That means all the funds that you were meant to have will remain with the pension fund. It's our money, but we do not seem to have the option to decide what happens to it.

An article talking about this situation in the US also talked about how singles are seemingly punished for being single with taxes and lack of other benefits that married people have. I can't help but agree. Social security/pension benefits are not so beneficial when that is the way it is set up. 

It makes me wonder if the people who made the laws about this are married. They do not know that expenses for a single person can be just as high or even higher than a married one, who can share the burden and income with his/her spouse.

Now that I think about it, single people are also at a disadvantage at work. Singles are often expected to do more work than their married co-workers since they do not have a spouse and kids to go home to. Married people are also forgiven for certain lapses at times because they have certain responsibilities at home. Again, like singles have nothing better to do. As if anything not related to having their own family is not as important or relevant. 

Is it not enough that single people are often told at a certain age that they have to be married and have kids otherwise their lives would be such a waste? That we have not matured enough to settle down? Do we really have to be punished for something that may be beyond our control? Or even if we did have a choice, why must we be punished for our choices?

Unfortunately, this is the situation for single people. Considering how overpopulated our country is, you'd think that there would be benefits for people who stayed single and without children. 

I wonder, are there any countries that treat singles fairly?




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Monday, July 26, 2021

The Down Side

Recently I have been feeling down. Is it a bit of depression? I'm not sure. Maybe. I have been shutting myself in my room whenever I am home more and more these days because I have been feeling low. I don't want to bring anyone else down. 

I have been feeling dissatisfaction in the workplace. There are so many things that have made me sad about the place that I have been working for almost all of my adult life. I am no longer happy, but at the same time, I cannot bring myself to let go. Especially not now that there are other people out there who are having a difficult time during this pandemic to get and keep jobs. It feels unfair to give up when so many others are struggling. No matter how much my frustrations make me cry sometimes, I know I cannot just let go. I have people who depend on me too, so that is a choice that is not easy to make.


Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Another thing that I have been struggling with has been in terms of creativity. I have been trying to write more but it has been a struggle to do so. The one book I have been trying to write only has 3000 words so far and my blog posts have been sparse. The low feeling has made it difficult for me to express myself without constantly second-guessing myself. I am trying to force it out of me, as writing has always been my outlet to de-stress/de-compress but it is still hard. I'm taking it one day at a time.  I thought maybe if I can let it all out here I can let it all go and (hopefully) feel better.

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Wednesday, July 21, 2021

Current Wants

I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that this pandemic has caused many to go on an online shopping binge. I do not know why that is but with all the anxiety that this period in our lives has been I could not help but keep clicking the "add to cart" button on several online shopping sites. I do not necessarily end up buying everything though. I try to weed out my cart to make sure that my purchases are needs and not wants. Sadly, that means that most of the things that I really, badly want end up waiting in my cart for the day when I can afford to buy them.


Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

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Wednesday, July 14, 2021

I Am a Difficult Woman

Taylor Swift has a song called Mad Woman that talks about how women are defined by society. It reminds me of this quote going around on Facebook (supposedly) from Dr. Jane Goodall about how it does not take much to be considered a difficult woman. This is something that I can relate to because on more than one occasion I have been considered to be difficult as well. Just by speaking up and having an opinion that is different from that of a man, you can be considered one. You can be a “mad woman” too. 


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Wednesday, July 7, 2021

Climate Change: Is it Too Late?

It is all over the news: temperatures keep getting hotter and hotter. Every year has become the “hottest year on record.” The UN says that we are getting closer to the threshold where we can no longer avoid the effects of climate change. To me, climate change equates to extreme heat and humidity, and all the health concerns that it brings. 

My worry is not so much for myself but for the next generation. For the kids: for my nephews and nieces, the ones who will live with this the most. We do not have that much time left. This is something that a vaccine or staying at home cannot fix. 


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Sunday, June 13, 2021

Netflicks Picks: Shadow and Bone

After a long wait, I was happy when Netflix released the series that I have been waiting for, Shadow & Bone. From the time that casting was announced to when it was released was too long a wait but it was worth it! As someone who read the books by Leigh Bardugo, I felt that everything from the show just leapt off the page and onto the screen. It was perfect! Any changes that they made only led to serving the story better and I am all for it. 



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Friday, June 11, 2021

Current Headspace

One of the reasons I have not been blogging as often lately is because I am still experiencing a lot of anxiety due to the pandemic and I wanted to avoid being too much of a downer with my posts. I just haven't been doing that well because there has been a lot on my mind. I have been experiencing bouts of vertigo due to the stress and anxiety of being back at the office after my boss ordered that all employees who had alternative work schedules report back at the office again, regardless of the existing health conditions of some of the employees (like me). I have a lot of anxiety about going out of the house for short periods of time, so being at work surrounded by a lot of people has been messing with me a lot mentally. My family and I have been extra careful during this pandemic and I worry that being made to report to the office daily again would make any precautions we take at home pointless because of my exposure to more people outside.


Crowd gathering in public...imagine my anxiety at the sight of this!

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Sunday, June 6, 2021

The Sunday Update 23: Life Happens

It's been a while since my last post. As much as I wanted to post more often, life happens, and sometimes there just isn't any time for this anymore. Here's a quick update of what I've been up to this past month:

At the Rural Health Center where I got my vaccine...
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Friday, April 30, 2021

Thoughts on The Sussex Interview

It is sad…just sad all around. I saw the interview that Oprah Winfrey had with Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle about how their life was when they were still active members of the royal family and now that they are out of it. I felt sad watching the whole thing. Sad that they had experienced what they did, sad that the outcome was something that caused a rift within their family, and sad knowing that after that interview, things will not change for the better.



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Thursday, April 29, 2021

Twenty Years Promdi

Back in 2001, I got sick and was brought to the ER. It was an unusual experience since the people who brought me were people from work – an officemate and two students from China who just arrived in the country to study (that was what my job was about at the time). When you get sick, the first people you think about (well, for me anyway) is your family. And I was feeling upset that I had none of them around while I was in incredible pain – although I did appreciate that despite the language barrier, one of the students was giving me acupressure on my hand that was helping with the pain while we were on the way to the hospital.

My parents were equally upset that they were not around to help me out. They were already living in the province at the time, and I had chosen to stay because I had a job in Manila. When I went on leave after that ER experience, it was a no-brainer for all of us to have me apply for a job that opened in the province, right in the town that my family had moved to. Twenty years later, I am still here. We may have moved homes a couple of times, but I am still in the province and I am still a “promdi.” In a few years, I would have been promdi more than I have a been a city girl. I never thought that would happen!

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Wednesday, April 28, 2021

My Blogging Journey

Last January marked the 18th year that I have been blogging. While this site does not have all the entries that I have posted from the very beginning, there are some reposts here and there that I have added from previous incarnations of my blog. I cringe at the thought of having my earliest entries included on this site! 


Image by DarkmoonArt_de from Pixabay

I was only in my 20s when I started blogging. I had been going through a tough time in my life and someone had suggested journaling to me as a way to relieve stress. Another friend doubled down on that suggestion by introducing me to blogging, which was fairly new (?) at the time. I was introduced to this online world where people shared their lives, thoughts, and feelings on their respective blog sites, and I have not looked back since. 

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Tuesday, April 27, 2021

Former Dream Jobs

My sister and I were recently talking to my niece (her daughter) and our nephew about what we had wanted to be when we grew up. My niece is trying to pick what to concentrate on for Senior High School and we were telling her how in our case, we did not end up where we thought we were supposed to go. 

Take my career journey for example. As I mentioned in a previous post, I never expected to end up where I am today. I did not expect to be in a more Administrative position, involved in HR and in Business Development. I did not take a course related to these things. My degrees are for the arts and for marketing, not an educational path that you would expect to lead to the industry I am in today.

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Monday, April 26, 2021

Can't Stop Watching: Air Force One

Have you ever had that one movie that you just cannot stop re-watching no matter how many times you have seen it? The kind that you were not planning to see but once you flip the channel and see that it is on, you end up watching it? I have a movie that is like that for me. It’s weird since the lead actor is not exactly my favorite and the genre is not really my usual flavor, but I still end up watching it anyway. That movie is Air Force One, starring Harrison Ford. 

There are other movies with similar themes of being trapped in a vehicle and needed to save other people and escape. Speed and Snakes on a Plane come to mind when it comes to that theme. For this movie, Air Force One, the official plane of the President of the United States, is hijacked by a group of terrorists who want to have their leader freed from prison. 

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Sunday, April 25, 2021

The Sunday Update 22: I am Not OK

When is the job more important than your life or your mental health? These days, I’m sure that many would say never. Personally, I am questioning the same thing myself.

As I said in last week’s update, I had an RT-PCR test done at work with the rest of my co-workers with the help of the Philippine Red Cross. Someone had tested positive previously and we all had to make sure that no one at work was infected. Thankfully, none of us tested positive and we could all breathe a sigh of relief. Still, it was a big risk (and some have said, out of line and against health protocols) for our boss to order us to report for work even while we were waiting for the test results. I can’t imagine the stress I would be going through if someone had ended up testing positive. 

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Saturday, April 24, 2021

The Karaoke Evolution

My family loves to sing. We all got it from our father who always loved to sing and encouraged us to do the same. When I was a little girl, I remember we even had what they called a minus-one/karaoke machine where we could sing our favorite songs from a cassette tape and that you could choose to sing on your own or with a voice guide. You could either use a songbook for the lyrics or sing on your own if you know the song well.

Image by Please Don't sell My Artwork AS IS from Pixabay

As I got older, the concept of videoke was born. This was much better and easier since you can watch the lyrics on the TV instead of reading it from a songbook during the minus-one days. I remember going to videoke bars where you could rent a room to sing as much as you want for the booked time you had (much like the Korean noraebang).

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Friday, April 23, 2021

The Career Journey So Far

In a recent post, I shared that it is now my 20th year at my recent job. Given my age, most people would probably think that this is the only job that I’ve had since I graduated from college, but that is not the case. I have tried several other jobs before I settled into this one. And when you find out the types of jobs I’ve had in the past, even you would feel like me and be surprised that I ended up where I am now.

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Thursday, April 22, 2021

Revisiting Wayne Goss

The pandemic has brought about many changes for a lot of people. For me, one of the changes that happened in the past year is the fact that I hardly ever wear makeup anymore. It has gotten to the point where I feel like I do not remember how to put it on. 

The fact that I wear a mask and a face shield whenever I’m out made me feel like the less I put on my face, the better. I know a lot of other people still wear makeup, but I haven’t felt like doing so underneath all the layers of protection.

Still, there are days when I need to put on makeup. I have video meetings sometimes and, if I am home for them, I am usually mask-free. That means putting on makeup so that I do not look pale or look like I am just lounging at home. 

Because of the need to put on makeup again, I decided that I needed some help. Of course, I went back to the one person who I knew could help, Wayne Goss

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Wednesday, April 21, 2021

A Discovery of Witches Season 2

I love reading. I love books. I love it when books come to life on TV and in movies, especially if they get it right. One of the books that turned into a TV series that I enjoyed was the adaptation of the series A Discovery of Witches.

The series, as I have mentioned in a previous entry, is adapted from the All Souls series of Deborah Harkness. The first season covered the first book, and recently, they aired the second season, which is based on the second book, Shadow of Night. 

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Tuesday, April 20, 2021

The Smile Issue

Back in the day, I used to love smiling. These days, I do smile, but in photos, I rarely do now. It is not that I am not happy, but it is more of me being more conscious of what I look like when I smile these days. 


Image by Giulia Marotta from Pixabay

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Monday, April 19, 2021

When This is All Over

I was going through my newsfeed on Facebook this morning and I saw that people in Israel can now go mask-free when they are outdoors. People are basically back to normal now and have no worries about this pandemic. I envy them so much! At the rate things are going here in our country it will probably take a while to get to that level. Maybe a year – or more. I’m hoping it would not be as bad as I am thinking but these days, I’m more of the hope for the best but expect the worst kind of gal. 

Still, those photos from Israel made me think: what would I want to do when this is over? When people are allowed go out to see friends and family again and be able to go mask-free without worrying about a virus that can take your life? What would YOU want to do?

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Sunday, April 18, 2021

Sunday Update 21: COVID Scare

It has been a difficult week. I had scheduled an online check-up with an app and the doctor did not show up, which meant waiting 2 hours for nothing. I went to the office for two days to work there, something that has always made my anxiety levels go up because I am afraid of the COVID 19 virus. 

For those who have been following my work stories since the pandemic, I used to work one day at work, then the rest at home. Then my boss placed me on the five days at the office schedule, even if the law says I can work from home because of my comorbidities and I can do my job well enough from home. After a while, I resumed a one day a week at the office, but then after my boss said people were jealous of my schedule, he placed me on three days a week at work, with my only concession being that one of those days was only during the morning. I cannot even begin to share how nervous that makes me feel. Looking at my accomplishments from my previous schedule to my current one, I have shaved down my productivity so much because of how worried I am if I am being careful at the office. Can you blame me?

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Saturday, April 17, 2021

April 2021 Playlist: Country

I have not done a playlist post in a while. With the summer (oh sorry Philippines, it’s actually the “dry season”) here already I thought it would be nice to post music that I enjoy listening to that helps distract me from the summer heat (and the stress of COVID, to be honest).  This month, I share with you some of my favorite country songs with my April playlist!

Image by Foundry Co from Pixabay


Country was never the type of music I listened to when I was younger, but now that I am older (or should I say, more mature), I have started having an appreciation for this genre. That is not to say that I like all country music, but there are some songs that I have grown to love that I cannot help but sing or dance along to when I hear them.


Play It Again by Luke Bryan is a song that I (literally) love to play again. I sing along to it too (and maybe dance along as well). I completely fell in love with this to the point that like the girl in the song, I want somebody to play it again after I hear it. 

I do not think many people know that Lucy Hale, who played Aria on the show Pretty Little Liars, tried her luck with country music. Her song Loved is a sweet and feel-good song that I can’t help listening to over and over again. 

My playlist cannot be complete if it does not have country royalty Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in it. To me, their song It’s Your Love is a classic. I love singing along to it. 

Wanted You More by Lady A (formerly Lady Antebellum…dropped the second name to be politically correct?) is a song I only discovered when someone sang it on a reality competition a few years ago. I love this more than their previous hit, Need You Now. Another song I discovered by watching a singing competition on TV was Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves. I discovered it on the Masked Singer, of all things!

If I had a country crush, it would be Sam Hunt. I love almost all of his songs, but I Met a Girl is something that I sort of pretend that he’s singing to me, so it is a personal favorite!

Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith Urban is probably one of the earlier songs that got me into country music. I felt that it had a pop feel so it was not hard a transition for me to appreciate it. 

Again, who would have a country playlist without Shania Twain? Her song Man I Feel Like a Woman is such a female anthem that is fun, empowering, and such a nice song to dance along to (while I sing to my hairbrush!).

As a Swiftie, I loved the song Babe by Sugarland, which also features Taylor in the backing vocals. This is another song that I love singing along to while I pretend that Brandon Routh (who played the male lead in the music video) is my cheating husband.

There are a couple of songs that I fell in love with when I heard them on made for TV movies. I had to search for them on Spotify just to learn the title and who sang it. They are the songs Sweet by Johnny Douglas and I Love How You Laugh by Carey Moore and Josh Rush. Some songs, on the other hand, I discovered through a Country playlist on Spotify, like Keeping Score by Dan + Shay featuring Kelly Clarkson, Lovin’ Lately by Tim Rich featuring Tim McGraw, Thank God I Got Her by Jonny Diaz, and Love Like Theirs by Maddie Wilson.

Of course, there are country songs that I love that broke into mainstream charts like Meant to Be by Bebe Rexha featuring Florida Georgia Line, Last Name by Carrie Underwood, and Honey Bee by Blake Shelton. Speaking of Blake, I also love the song from his ex-wife, Miranda Lambert. The song Somethin’ Bad About to Happen featuring Carrie Underwood reminds me of Carrie’s songs Last Name and Before He Cheats. It has the same feel to it, and I love that!

Another feel-good-sounding song for me is I Look So Good (Without You) by Jessie James Decker. But the one that really makes me smile when I hear it is Sweet Home Alabama by Lynrd Skynrd because it reminds me so much of the movie that has the same name (it stars Reese Witherspoon if you want to check it out!).

In Case You Didn’t Know by Boyce Avenue is another song that tugs at my heartstrings. The original is from Brett Young, but this version from Boyce Avenue is my favorite. 

Lastly, I am a fan of a couple of songs from Rascal Flatts. Bless the Broken Road is a classic and I think so many people have used this song for weddings and whatnot but my big fave is What Hurts the Most. It’s a song that really makes you feel the pain from the story of it when you hear it. I love the duet version of this, with Natasha Bedingfield I think, but I can’t seem to find it on Spotify.

Do you like country songs? Is there anything on my list that you like? Leave a comment and share the love!



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Friday, April 16, 2021

My Sworkit Journey

I read online that one of the things that can help a person prevent the infection of serious cases of COVID is regular exercise. During the start of this pandemic, I started exercising more regularly, something that my doctor would probably be happy to hear. I used to exercise a lot in the past, but after my thyroid surgery things just went downhill for me and workouts became sporadic to nothing at all. I was so frustrated that I would work out daily and not lose weight at all, so I stopped. It was only when the pandemic started that I found myself workout out daily again.

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Thursday, April 15, 2021

Netflix Picks: Tiny Pretty Things

 One of the things that I have a weakness for in terms of movies and TV is if the story revolves around dance. That is the reason why I decided to check out the Netflix series title Tiny Pretty Things, which is based on a book of the same name. Based on the lives of people involved in a Chicago ballet school, the series is jump-started by the literal fall of their top dancer, Cassie. Her incident triggers the arrival of a new dancer Neveah, who enters on a scholarship. 



The series is a quick watch at only ten episodes for the first season. I have no idea so far if there will be a second season. I guess it was not as big as Bridgerton to get an immediate renewal. There is no news that it was canceled or that it was a limited series so there is still a chance that this is a show that will still have more stories to tell. The way it ended gave it room to have a second season, but it was also satisfying enough to end with just one season.

Most of the characters in the show are dancers. There is Cassie, who is lying in a hospital bed for most of the series. It is what happened to her that becomes a curiosity for all the other dancers. Neveah is the new girl who takes Cassie’s place on a scholarship, much to the dismay of Bette, who thought she was good enough for the position as she is the younger sister of Delia, a graduate of the school and a ballet star.

There are also the boyfriends: Nabil -- the French-Muslim boyfriend of Cassie, Oren -- Bette’s boyfriend, Ramon -- one of the top choreographers in the world and boyfriend of Delia, and Caleb -- who is secretly sleeping with the school’s director, played by veteran actress Lauren Holly. 

Other main characters include June, the dancer who becomes Neveah’s roommate, Isabel, a detective who wants to find out what happened to Cassie, and Shane, a gay dancer who becomes Neveah’s confidante (and is in a friends-with-benefits secret relationship with Oren). 

The show features a lot of dancing, but for some reason, I cannot get myself interested in the dancing as much as I am with the complicated stories that each of the characters is involved in. There are a lot of stories in this series. Maybe a little too much for ten episodes.

There is so much about how big the loss of Cassie in the school was as she lies in a coma in the hospital, about the determined detective wanting to find answers about what happened to her and who and why she was pushed from the roof of the school. There is the fight to be the top girl in school, which Bette is determined to be no matter what it takes. There is also the complicated relationship between Oren and Shane, and the rift between Oren and Nabil, and the secret relationship of Caleb and the school director. Add to that the secretive background of the choreographer Ramon and you have this large mishmash of stories that sometimes makes it feel so hard to keep up with. 

I also have to say that there is a lot of sex scenes in this show. Way too much considering how old the kids in the show are supposed to be. Maybe I am being old and conservative in that observation. I know that kids are having sex. It is just that there seems to be way too much in this show for me to wrap my head around. 

While the dancing is good – apparently all the actors are dancers themselves – I do not think that the acting was up to par. The acting seemed very cheesy and soap-opera-like for the most part, which was something that I did not expect from the show. 

If you are in it for the dancing like I was, I think that you would appreciate the show. But if you are looking for good material, this may not be the show you are looking for. 

I say watch it, but keep your expectations to a minimum. 



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Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Two Decades At Work

This year marks my 20th year at my current job. I work for a public utility company, specifically in the water industry. If you asked me on my first day at the office if I saw myself here twenty years from now I would have said no. I can’t believe I am still here, to be honest. It is not where I had envisioned myself to be in the long run, but at the same time, I am grateful for being where I am today.


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Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Pandemic Diaries: Waiting for My Vaccine

Have you been vaccinated yet?

For many other countries, the vaccination process is already well underway. Friends and family from the US in particular have already been vaccinated, something which I am sure brings a large amount of comfort in these uncertain times.


Image by Ali Raza from Pixabay

Here in the Philippines, we have started the vaccination of healthcare workers and, in some areas, vaccination for senior citizens and persons with co-morbidities.  I am actually very jealous of my friends who have been sharing that they have gotten their first shot of the vaccine already. 

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Monday, April 12, 2021

Baumgartner Restoration

Art is something that I have always interested me. When I was a student I took art classes and I always enjoyed learning about and appreciating works of art, particularly those with historical significance.  I loved learning about the background of a painting, what it was about, what it told about the time it was made, and what story it told. 

I recently discovered the YouTube channel for Baumgartner Restoration, a Fine Art Restoration studio based in Chicago, Illinois. It is a studio that has been around since 1978 and is now being run by Julian Baumgartner, the son of its founder, R. Agass Baumgartner. Based on its website, it works on restorations with clients from small museums, universities, art galleries, art dealers, collectors, and private clients.

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Sunday, April 11, 2021

Sunday Update 20: Uncertain Times

Another week, another quarantine classification update. From ECQ, we are now on MECQ. Whatever that means. So far to me, it seems the same as ECQ except that the curfew hours are different. Oh, and this time, we get to wait until the end of the month for the new quarantine classification. Yay.


Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

These times are so uncertain. You can’t plan ahead because there is no way to tell what could happen tomorrow. The fact that hospitals are still overwhelmed by the number of COVID patients and how the local health units are unable to test all the people who need to be tested shows that we are still not recovering from this. I think we are (very) far from it. It doesn’t help that people are speculating about the health of the President and are wondering about the stability of this government.

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Saturday, April 10, 2021

The Re-Follow

My social media accounts are things that I check almost every day. I follow a lot of people, mostly people who I know personally, but I also follow a lot of people that I admire: writers, celebrities, fellow bloggers, and other influential people. There used to be a time that I felt that I was following too many people so I did a purge and unfollowed people who I felt had posts that I did not agree with. Recently, however, I did a re-follow and followed back some of these people. Why? I felt that it would be a healthy thing for me to do so. 

Image by ijmaki from Pixabay

Yes, I know that sounds weird but it’s not like I re-followed anyone who is toxic or negative. I decided that I should be open to listening to people who have different points of view and interests from what I have. It’s about re-following people who are also open to a discussion/conversation about topics that we do not always see eye to eye on. I feel that to grow as a person, I need to open myself up that way.

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Friday, April 9, 2021

My Past Life Regression Experience

One thing that I have been interested in for the longest time is the concept of past lives. I know that most Catholics/Christians frown on the idea that we are given second (or third and fourth and so on) chances on earth but personally I would like to think that we do come back as different people so that we can learn and become better until we are ready to move on to the next life. 

I have been reading a lot about this even when I was still in elementary school. I have always thought (believed and imagined?) that I had a past life. I am obsessed with history, with reading and learning about how people from the past lived, what their personal stories were, and what kind of environment they lived in. I also have an interest in old music, and I have always wondered if there was a reason for that.

There are people who I have seen on TV who have gotten help from people to look into their past lives. I remember watching people on TV who are said to have psychic abilities and could see the past lives of the people they meet and I used to wonder if I could meet them because I wanted to know and confirm that I did have a past life (or lives, for that matter). Unfortunately, I have not met people like that (yet) so I had to try something else. 

My searches on Spotify yielded podcasts that help listeners to undergo a past life regression session. I have not been able to find feedback on these podcasts from people who have tried them so I was not sure if I should. Someone discouraged me from it because without feedback, how could I tell if those hypnosis sessions affect me? It was too risky. 

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Thursday, April 8, 2021

I Can Never Be An Influencer

The recent “scandal” involving a photo of Khloe Kardashian has raised a discussion on authenticity among celebrities and social media influencers. I find myself conflicted about this issue. On one end, I think we all try to show the best versions of ourselves online and for that reason it should not be a surprise that her photos are edited. Plus, for celebrities like her who use social media as a means of income as an influencer, I think it is a given that her posts would be edited and curated. As far as businesses go, she is the product, and of course, she would need to present it the best way possible. She may not be her “authentic” self, but she is being authentic to her image and her brand by posting her edited and curated photos.

The kind of scandal Khloe Kardashian (my favorite of the sisters, to be honest), made me think of how I would never want to be in her place. Behind the glitz and glamour, I'm sure that there is so much pressure for her to be a certain way all the time. In a recent post about reputation, I mentioned that maintaining some form of reputation online for me seems to be a very tiring thing to do. All the planning, curating, and editing is a lot of work. I could never be Khloe, that world all too much for me. 

Image by Alexandra_Koch from Pixabay

As a blogger, I have been approached to write about certain products in the past, but I found myself uncomfortable doing so in exchange for payment when it is not something that I believe in. I think that is one of the reasons why I never transitioned to being an “influencer.” Well, that and the fact that I do not have it in me to do all the work involved with doing this full time.

I am posting this not to diss any influencer, vlogger, or blogger. In fact, I must tip my hat to these people because what they do involves a lot of work and commitment. I just find myself struggling with doing the same thing because of issues such as authenticity in my work. I do not think I can be genuine with what I write/review if I was paid to say something positive about it. While some can do it, I do not think I can be real with my audience if I was planning everything that I share or if I was being prompted with topics for my posts. 

Image by Piyapong Saydaung from Pixabay

With my anxiety, I do not think that I can show or share as much to be an authentic “influencer” because there are some things that I would prefer to keep private, and I feel that is not what having an online/social media career would be about. You need to be out there often, and I do not think I am comfortable with that either.

Some people would probably argue and say that most people are not their authentic selves online anyway and I agree. I just do not feel that I can be comfortable with presenting myself in that way. I have friends who have encouraged me to transition my blog into a vlog or to use my Instagram to monetize what I share. I have looked into it, and I have tried some elements of doing so. Yes, I have tried the SEO of things, the affiliate links, the ads, the planning and coordinating of my blog with social media, the hashtags, and all that. I did not go all in, but I did dip my toe in the waters to see how it would go.

The experience made me realize that I did not want to do it that way. I have been blogging as an outlet, writing to release stress and just share my thoughts with the world. Yes, it seems too bad that I am not doing what I can to monetize it when there is a potential for it, but I feel that it would not be doing what I loved if I went in that direction.  It would spoil things for me. If it works out that I can be who I am now and still make something off it, then well and good. But if I go down that route of monetizing things and doing the work, I feel it would be better for my mental health to just stop doing this altogether. I do this to relieve stress, not to add on to it. 

So yeah, I can never be an influencer. With me become more and more into an introvert as I get older, I think that it is actually for the best that I do not turn into one!





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